Last night I went to a Thai restaurant with my project team. It was one of the first of many outings we planned to kick off the holiday celebration. This particular restaurant in the exchange district was plan B, everyone’s favorite was closed for the holidays. At least some of my team members have been to this place and they think it offers similar experience. I was the last guy to join the team as I was running status report for end of day. I walked in 30 minutes late and thought people would have placed order but to my surprise they are still waiting for an attendant to take their orders. Nevertheless, we pre-booked earlier and confirmed our reservation.

Shortly the attendant came by to take orders and apologized for the lackluster customer service. We all took our orders. I ordered shrimp rolls and the Vietnamese pho with 10/10 spice. And there we are, chatting and exchanging friendly vibes expecting orders to come by at most in 30 minutes. To our utmost surprise, we did not have orders fulfilled until 90 minutes later. I was dying of hunger, the vibes were not sufficient to harness those pangs in my stomach.

While waiting for our meal, I noticed a guy brought a lady for a date just beside our table. At first, they sound so excited and I can hear bits of their conversation without having to eavesdrop. I gather from their conversation that this was their first date. I was shocked to notice different odd conversation and gestures initiated by the guy. In my mind, I was talking to myself ‘keep shut’, ‘hey, don’t do that’, ‘no no no no no’ (in the words of Kevin Hart)… He screwed up that date and they both left disappointed in different ways.

What could have done wrong? Below I briefly highlight some of the ‘no-no’ when taking a girl on first date;

1. Appearance matters- mind your appearance, do not wear shouting colors to a drive bar or restaurant except you are coming from circus or show as a performer. Wearing a red, pink or yellow suit is a no-no. If it’s possible do not wear a suit. If you are the suit type, try not to wear a tie or just wear a casual blazer with a plain shirt. Although it may depend on the outing. For a ball or opera, suit can be an exception. Nonetheless, I recommend that you do not dress down or up-too-much. Moderation is key.
2. Punctuality- if you were not coming together, get there on time. At least 15 minutes if that’s your first time in the place so you can familiarize yourself with the ambience and the menu. Remember, she may be an early bird and it is not proper to have a lady waiting on you. If it is a familiar joint, you want to be there at least five minutes early. A lady loves when the man is waiting on her, not the other way round. If you are picking her up, be at her place five minutes before time to beat traffic. Only reach for her door at the agreed time.
3. Mobile handle – keep your cell phone on silence and face-down during date. She is looking to see if she has your attention all the time. That includes not having to flirt with other females in the same setting
4. Tone – Be calm in your conversation and be conscious of your tone. No matter how exciting the discussion or fascinating the conversion, you want to keep your voice down, even your giggles and laughter.
5. Humility – Do not project yourself as someone you are not. Check yourself, if you want to brag about yourself, have your manners such privilege.
6. Physical distances – respect one another; do not be too feely and touchy on first date. You don’t want to appear thirsty like a knuckle-dragging Neanderthal going on a woman hunt at sunrise.
7. Food Etiquette – Don’t try to be over-sophisticated by ordering 10/10 spicy foods or foods that make you puke or drinks that run you down just because you want to impress someone. Please friend, never try getting yourself or your date drunk(anything that happens aftermath is taken as ‘unreal’). Also maintain good table manners (eschew making audible sounds with your mouth while eating, talking while there is food in your mouth, using fork & knife for ice-cream or eating with your bare hands etc.).
8. Pay and Tip – For the very first date, I think it is gentlemanly for the guy to pay. And tip well. Otherwise she might think you are either cheap or parsimonious.
9. Chivalry – It is part of basic rule of dating that a man opens the door for the lady, open the car for her as well, also pullout her chair and pour her a glass of wine. And say ‘thanks’, ‘excuse me’ , ‘please’, ‘you’re welcome’, ‘sorry’ as often as necessarily. Show a little tenderness. Be nice to the waiter, taxi driver, and other guests, also everyone you are going to have contact with.
10. Argument- let her win all the arguments even when you know for sure the facts are not right. You want to have the second date or you want to win the argument? Believe all lies even it seems so obvious, the truth will be revealed soon. You cannot be the jury and the plaintiff. You don’t have to agree about everything she says but if you can, please swallow your opinion and bury your counter-argument to save the date.
11. Comfort level- What are you comfortable about. If truly you loved this girl what are you willing to sacrifice? If you are a no-pet police, can you accommodate living with her five cats? Do not stress any discomfort, you can make up your mind later. Reason being your next date may be with a friend of hers, you do not want create a bad reputation for yourself.
12. Personal protection – do not over-expose yourself. You do not know where the date is going. It is not advisable to naked your life’s story in front of a stranger. What if she is FBI or spy? Don’t talk about yourself until you’re asked. And try to keep your response under 2mins each time when asked a question. In fact, talking about your ex-girlfriend or ex-wife is not a good idea. She will dig for more. She wants to know what happened and figuring out if you have a type or a pattern. Women are never shy away from such stories. Do not tempt them.
13. Grooming – At least use some deodorant and/or cologne but not excessive or strong cents, she may have allergy for scents. Have your beards neatly done and your cloth well-trimmed, clean, fitted and matching. Try not to wear a sport jersey like the guy I met at the Thai restaurant that had his jersey on because it is his team’s game night. Extinguish all traces of body or mouth odour. I have often had this weird thing about myself. I simply cannot forget the awful experience with someone who has a mouth odour. My friend, you do not want to be someone’s bad memory.
14. Mind your conversations – Of all the wonderful things in the world, try not to talk about these things on your first date (and mind your conversation):
    • Your desire for marriage and children
    • Sex exploits
    • Politics, religion or sensitive issues such as LGBT
    • Details of family history
    • Salary and company benefits
    • Depression history and health concerns
    • Mocking or condescending because you are more knowledgeable
    • The virgin talk
    • Invite her to come to your house to have a good time after the date
    • Complain or moan about a person or situation
    • Asking too many questions
    • Height and weight talks
    • Flatter unnecessarily