The thought of marriage can be scary in this pop culture where the institution has been rightly maligned by the very parties that should have upheld the tenets of the union ‘the husband and the wife’. Marriage is not a playing ground; neither is it a testing site to practice the craft of bonding. It is Showtime and many couple falters as expectations become farther from reality day by day.

When I was younger, I told my dad that marriage is not meant for me just because I do not want to be hurt or hurt someone. But then in my culture, it is expected after school, get a job. When gainfully employed, marriage should be your next agenda. A year later everyone, even your pets are expecting your first born, and this be done at age 30.

In my little exposure and from years of counseling others, I have come to understand that marriage is not meant for everyone. And it will be good for someone to understand what is being requested of the institution and ask ‘am I cut for all these’? Below I highlight from my own experience 25 reasons why you should not marry;

1. The pleasures of sex: Anyone can have sex but then I have lived a cultured life not that I am perfect. I decided to stay away from sex until my marriage. I looked at it this way; she can give me great sex but bad companionship. Sex is one of the signatures of marriage but should not be a sole reason why you want to marry. Some ladies will not give you the cookies until you walk them the aisles, so wake up and understand if you are doing it for the cookies or it is deeper than the sex adventures.
2. Change of name: Do not marry someone because you want a change of name. Marrying a celeb or nouveaux rich to own their name is not the best of reasons to go into marriage.
3. Age: Do not marry because you are getting too old. Marriage can happen at any adult age. Do not be pressured to think that all good suitors look for ladies under 30. Real men know what they want. When a real man sees a real woman, he will dive in, even if she is 70 years old.
4. Pressure: Sometimes the pressures come from close friends and family. During the wedding ceremony everyone is present but after that marriage starts and you are on your own. Do not be swayed by pressure from families, friends or society. Do not go into that marriage because of ill pressures.
5. Profiteering: Lets respect the institution of marriage. Do not go into the corridors of marriage as a gold digger.
6. Retribution: Do not marry because your ex did and you want to do the same or get back at someone.
7. Status: I do hear some friends of mine chat about how they cannot wait to get married. Whereas they seem to be completely oblivious to the daily responsibility of marriage. Do not marry just because you want to change your bio-data information.
8. Trust Issues: If you have trust issue with your partner, do not complicate issue by going into marriage. Do not think the ties of marriage are enough to make a man or woman trustworthy. I have heard stories of couples cheating on one another during their honeymoon. The foundation of that marriage is crushed right from the beginning.
9. Respect: Do not marry out of respect for your parents, friends or mentor’s choice of partner. Marry out of mutual love. Do not marry out of respect for a matchmaker when deeply inside you did not see how it will be ‘forever married’ but eventually go south.
10. Popularity Complex: Do not marry because it is popular, especially seeing all childhood friends have married and you feel out of sorts or left-behind.
11. Financial Stability: Do not marry when you are not financially stable. In fact, it is not advisable to marry when you are not gainfully employed or maintain a consistent stream(s) of income that can adequately cover all your concurrent bills.
12. Best Friend: How do you marry someone who is not your best friend and companion? Something is missing! Do not try it.
13. Anger Management: If you have poor anger management, please leave the closet of marriage. You are endangering the life of your partner.
14. Fantasy: Do not marry fantasy. Hollywood movies can paint pictures that distort true reality. No wonder majority of the celebrities are divorcées and those who are still married have unsettled homes. In marriage you face reality, Bout time you wake up from fantasies.
15. Example: Do not marry if you are not ready to be a good example of what you desire in the other partner.
16. Baby Mama/Father: The fact that she is your baby mama or father does not mean it should result to marriage. If it was an incidence, don’t make it an irrecoverable accident.
17. Saving Grace: Do not marry because you think it is your saving grace. Marriage does not save you from your shits. In fact, you are supposed to get rid of them before going into marriage.
18. Shady Living: Do not marry when you know you are constantly running against the law of the land. For instance, you are peddling drugs, involve in mafia movement, scams or forgery or have a penchant for disobeying civil rules and orders. If you do get married, you expose your partner and kids to danger. If you are not careful, you may lose your spouse and your children become orphans. You want to get married someday, please stay clean!
19. Role Playing: This is for partners who are yet to tie the knots. Don’t play the role of a wife to a man who isn’t your husband and vice versa. How could you be investing continuously in a company where you have no stakes? You losing out, wake up!
20. Family Consent: Do not marry against your parents or family consent except you are going to be living in mars. If you do not know this, when you marry someone, you marry their family as well. To enjoy a peaceful home, do not make the mistake of marrying someone against their family’s approval.
21. Philandering: Do not marry if you know you can’t say goodbye to one-night stand, random pick-ups, flings with a co-worker or the girl/boy next door. If you can’t keep your toes in one sack, marriage is not a good idea for you. If you are the type that is anti-monogamy, do not venture into the veranda of marriage to mess up someone’s life. Marriage is not for pro-polygamists. It just doesn’t add up.
22. Priority: If you are the type who is self-centered and overtly career-focused, it may be difficult to put your marriage as your number one priority. Do not go into marriage if for sure you know you can’t have your marriage as your number one priority in all decision-making.
23. Sexual Orientation: Do not go into marriage if you are bi-sexual as against your partner. You will find out, he or she cannot satisfy all your sexual desires. You finally end up sullen or snitching. I want to think marriage is for straight persons (my personal belief).
24. Changes: Do not marry if you are not matured enough to deal with changes. When you say your vows remember the part that says ‘for better or for worse’. Changes could be different things, from personal changes to psychological changes to career changes, or environmental changes. If you are the type that cannot love endlessly, and also adapt to new changes, then you don’t want to say those vows. She will gain weight and most likely his six packs will turn to one. How do you even deal with attitudinal changes in your partner? Expect it, it is part of the experience.
25. Compromise: If you are Mr. or Miss `always right’ or `my way only or nothing else’, then you are making further mistake for considering to tie the knots. With marriage come compromise and a lot of sacrifice. It is not about who is right, it is about how it can work together.

From the twenty five reasons listed above, you can definitely see that marriage is no joke. And it requires a lot of work and commitments. In fact, marriage is not for lazy folks. In marriage If you are lazy, you are like a time-bomb just waiting to explode. For a marriage to work, the both partners work at it daily.

Questions and counselling email me: ablethoughts@outlook.com